Oh, my poor son! My poor first born. They really are the test babies, aren’t they? For a couple who knew nothing about disciplining children according to the biblical model, our first son was (and still is) the lesson. We could blame it on the fact that he was 6 months old before we both knew Christ as our Lord; But, either way our son is doing well not because of our first attempts at discipline, but inspite of them.
It all started out very “innocently” (or shall I say ignorantly?) When he was a baby I had read a lot about attachment parenting and natural parenting, and gotten quite a few ideas in my head that a baby was just an innocent human being, who with the right positive reinforcement would wind up as a gentle, loving, person. HA! What little did I know. In such denial I was. If only I could have had a glimpse into the life of my future “strong willed” child.
Though honestly, I don’t know very many children who are not strong willed. Do you? So, around the time my son began to walk (at 10 months), his will began to multiply and manipulate. My husband and I already had our work cut out for us in reversing the bad habits we had taught our little monster. We had to begin teaching him discipline at 1-1.5 year old that we should have been reinforcing from the beginning.
The Lord and his Word (and the help of several other mature Christians) has helped us along the way. In that short span of time we have learned as much about parenting as we have about our own attitudes. With the birth of our second son, we were determined to do things differently. I taught baby how to go to sleep on his own. I used the wake, nurse, play, sleep cycle (as opposed to wake, play, and nurse to sleep cycle I had gotten in with our first.) We just finished night weaning at 9 months, which I think could have been acheived sooner and was done easily when baby was moved in his big brother’s room. And finally to the title of this post, we began teaching him the word “No” at about 8-9 months of age.
I had heard many times with our first, that he was too young to know what “no” meant. But, I have in fact learned from my own experience that babies can learn the word at a young age if you teach them. They know far more than they can tell you! We began with telling him no when he squirmed and wiggled during diaper changes. At first, it seems like a game to them. In a few short times during the day we would practice obedience around 8 months of age. He would squirm, and I would tell him no and set him firmly and still where I wanted him. If he would squirm, I would tell him no again and set him back. If he still didn’t get it, a light tap (and I do mean light, it doesn’t take pain to train a baby) on the booty would get his attention. I would do this until he layed still. Some babies have quite the will and will still think this is a game. The goal is the obedience during each “session”, however much patience and time it takes. Never get angry or upset. This is a learning experience for them. Praise them when they obey. Sometimes they will obey and sometimes they will test you. YES, an 8-9 month old WILL test you! In our experience, our 10 month old knows clearly what “No” means and obeys. He gets praise for listening. It is such a joy to see obedience at this young age. It is so much easier and gentler when you start early. It takes much more time and effort (and frustration) to undo the will a child acquires when they are not trained young. It must be very confusing for them, also! They are able to do anything they want with no consequence for months or even years, and all of a sudden mom and dad (and everyone else) is telling them “NO!” and expecting them to obey. Why should they believe you?
I know this was a bit of a ramble. I had many thoughts pouring out of my head that I wanted to get down!
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