Creative Counterpart

I have been posting less than normal this week. A recent flare up of chronic pain is affecting my life quite deeply lately. Sometimes I can function through it, but when it just becomes too much I lie down and am in either so much pain all I can do is sleep or just enough nagging pain that I absolutely cannot sleep.

I have arthritis, but I have yet to know what kind. It has taken me years to meet a doctor that was even comfortable believing my claims of chronic pain. Just this week I have been given the hope that my current doctor may help me to get a better picture of what my chronic pain is. It is taking me a lot of unbearable pain to muster up the courage to even think of getting an exam and blood tests for this purpose. This is mostly because I have been made to feel as if I was overreacting or making up much of my chronic pains. I have been suffering from widespread joint and muscle pain for over 6 years. It has affected my life in many ways which I have accepted as normal over the years.

My only question (for myself) is, what is more torturous for my family and I? Would it be to get a diagnosis and know the specifics of my chronic pain and how to better manage it, or just live with it and “suck it up” as much as I can until I cannot function enough to care for my family? The biggest obstacle I have to overcome is my mothers parental spirit of raising girls who were tough and could just deal with things. My mother suffered from chronic pain most of her life, but only sought medical help when she could no longer function well enough to work or care for her family. I am not so sure that is who I want to be. I am not so sure it’s such a bad thing so seek help. I am not so sure it’s such a bad thing to be vulnerable.